How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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