I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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