YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
