On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
