Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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