Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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