And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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