my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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