i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
