Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
