i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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