every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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