And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
