nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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