I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
