Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
