We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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