What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
