Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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