My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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