he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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