He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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