i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
