i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
