Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
