so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
