she woke up with a sticky ear
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
