you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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