did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
