My sheets look like a crime scene.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
