watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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