I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Come on in and take your pants off
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