please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
