i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
