he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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