Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
