Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
