4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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