If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
