I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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