i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
