A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
