Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
