you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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