Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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