Don't make out with my wife yet
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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