oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
