i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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