your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
