Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
